Loneliness. Such a massive word and so much more than just simply, ‘being alone’. My prayer is to share hope for those feeling alone and bring insight for those who may have never experienced the full brunt of loneliness.
“Father to the fatherless, defender of widows — this is God, whose dwelling is holy. God places the lonely in families; he sets the prisoners free and gives them joy.” Psalm 68:5, 6 (NLT)
I have held on to that scripture my entire life, and I know that God is who He says He is in His word and will do what He says He will do. I have seen and experienced it many times over. – GT Byles
As a man who lost his Dad to cancer when he was boy of 12, and then went on to ‘lose’ his wife of 10 years to adultery, I feel qualified enough for this topic. Sudden loss is exactly that, sudden. Even being given time to prepare for loss of a loved one from cancer, it can still feel sudden. Divorce is no different, the pain is real and intense.
The loss of a loved one for any reason, whether it be death or separation, exudes and combines such strong emotions as sadness, anger, love, disappointment, jealousy, emptiness, hatred, and gut-wrenching agony.
And yet, even after the moments of falling to the floor scream-crying from the intense pain, feeling like you have been stabbed and punched in the stomach from emotions so strong they cannot be expressed in words, it is possible to live again. It is possible to have hope again. It is possible to love again.Your choices determine your life from here.
For the sake of brevity, let me outline 5 things from my experience that I sought out while feeling lonely.
- Chocolate – In discussing this article with my wife (who was a single mother for about 14 years before I came along and had her share of this emotion) she said that if chocolate wasn’t the first thing on the list, then the article wasn’t worth reading. I kind of agree, at least in the sense that chocolate represents normality. Things that are normal. Things that you have always enjoyed, or something new. Daily life. Things that remind you that the rest of the world hasn’t fallen apart just yet.
2. Peace of Heart & Mind – This one is a little bit harder to come by, but I definitely sought it out. I found peace by going to beautiful places like the beach near my house. Going to beautiful places reminds you that there is a big world outside of the walls of your house and that some of it ain’t that bad. No need for people in this one, just solitude and beauty.
3. Strength for the Day – A simple request, but a much needed request. This is the day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute strength that needs constant renewal. God lives in us and is our strength even when we are at our weakest, I realise now that He was there giving the little bit of strength available. Sometimes it just comes to you. Sometimes it’s from a kind word spoken, or from seeing something that brings back pleasant memories or emotions. One day at a time, sweet Jesus.
4. Something to Focus On– It was all I could ask for, and many times, all I wanted. I had just started a new job and was a few months in when I found out my wife had been having an affair. It turned out well to have something to give myself to. I had to do a lot of driving, which was both good and bad as sometimes I was tempted to join my car to one of the passing trees. Just being honest. But thankfully I didn’t and my God preserved my life to bring me through and bring great blessing in years to come. Focus is important, find something to focus on other than yourself.
5. Friendship Without Judgement – And sometimes without words helps too. Finding that friend that may have been in the same place as you before, or just someone that knows there is nothing really that they can ‘do’, but just hang out and spend some time together. No need for great philosophical debates, but conversation can be good too. Learn the line where sharing becomes ‘dumping’ and try to stay on this side of it. You don’t need sympathy, you need a friend.
My prayer is that these words somehow either enlighten or strengthen you knowing that you are not alone in your experience and that you will make it through.
For those seeking to understand someone going through these emotions, just be there. Be what they need, whatever that is at the time. Whether that’s to be a crazy friend, a serious friend, or just the listening friend, but don’t crowd.
Here’s a free tip: Sometimes the lonely need to be alone. That’s how they process things. That’s when they express themselves completely to free them to move on.
And we know that we are never truly alone:
““If you love Me, keep My commandments. 16 And I will pray the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may abide with you forever— the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees Him nor knows Him; but you know Him, for He dwells with you and will be in you. I will not leave you orphans; I will come to you..” – John 14:15-18
“Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” So we may boldly say:
“The Lord is my helper; I will not fear.
What can man do to me?” – Hebrews 13:4-6
If you are in this place of loneliness right now, use this time to re-callibrate ready for what God has for you next. He has not, and never will, give up on you… Don’t give up on yourself. Seek friends. Don’t try to rush life. Trust God. This too, shall pass.
May you be blessed with peace.
Graham T Byles – Headed ForHeaven